Away
Being home is really strange for me. I love being here and seeing everyone I miss, the people I grew up with, the people I spent so much of my time with. I love them. But it almost seems unnatural for me to be here. I’ve only been gone for a semester, and it feels like I missed out on a lot, like because I wasn’t here to be part of so much life, I don’t belong. Being in Rolla became so natural, but in the back of my mind, I know that it must be inevitably temporal, like I’m just passing through.
And in spite of all this sense of lack of home, I feel that I need to go elsewhere, be detached from everything I’m used to. Don’t get me wrong. I feel welcome wherever I’m living. I know that I’m loved and valued, and I do my best to love in return. But something is always missing. Something lies just beyond reach and demands to be chased after, exists to be pursued. I wonder if it’s just me, or if this is what life is like to someone who knows there’s something far better than what can be experienced now. I’ve always had a sense of restlessness, a need to explore what I don’t know and discover.
I don’t know where I’m going with all of this anymore, so I think that I’ll stop here and see where that takes me.